Starting Over

Certain things in life truly challenge you and how you come out at the end truly reflect what you're made of. I have a great quote on one of the many stickies floating throughout my house that reads:

"The world wants to know if you have cojones. If you are brave. Then you decide your price.

Some people don't have a price. What about those people?

Those people die.

I ain't afraid to die.

That's good. It will help you die. It will not help you live"

from Cormac McCarthy in "All the Pretty Horses." I've been playing it non-stop in my head for the past five days.

As a designer we create and move on to the next big project with that learned knowledge we have gained from each experience. We grow and develop an identity of sorts with our work. So what do you do when your identity is stolen away? You have to take a big step back and reflect upon yourself. Show them what you're made of!

My home was burglarized less than a week ago and while I've jumped right into "moving on" mode, I'm not sure the complete weight of the situation hit me fully until this afternoon when I started crying in the middle of work. Taking trivial items such as video games and jewelry sucks, but can be replaced. The memories hurt. The sweat and tears of putting together your college portfolio and every working file gone is a deep ache. It can all be recreated and made even better, but it hurts.

I kept too much information on my computer. Information I should have shared, but was nervous of sharing, even with the ambiguity of the internet. Wonderful quotes, book passages and memorable advice I've received have disappeared. I think what has put such an ache in my heart is all this acquired knowledge has disappeared and I feel that I'm starting over in my quest for information. But it's not gone. I've read it and learned from it and it's in the memory banks. It's letting go of that visual validation of knowledge. It's still with me, just not in a physically sense.

I know some of your are thinking, "what about back ups?" I know, I know. I had an external hard drive with all working files, but that was stolen as well. Website hosting? I took my site down to save money. I've recovered some final pdf's from emails, but it's just a tough spot. Lots of alcohol has been consumed to ease the mourning process.

So, while my plan to move on into book design has been delayed it is not halted. We're taking a detour here people, and that's what life is. A serious of detours and a challenge that always asks, "Do you have cojones?"